My sin, oh God, is ever before me... it cries out from the depths of my soul. My heart is so very heavy. My heart is overwhelmed with love for thee Father, yet, my heart is sick with shame and dread, and with exceeding great fear, for I am such a weak, foolish and sinful man and have failed you once again.
My heart is sick, knowing that I have disappointed you. I have failed you Lord. If only my thoughts were but known, your Holy Name would be dishonored, and all your work could be made of none effect in the lives of those around me.
Please don't leave me! Please don't turn away from me Lord! Please don't forsake me! For you alone are Holy and altogether Righteous and cannot even look upon sin. Please do not take your precious Holy Spirit from me! He alone is my strength and my guide, my best friend, my counselor, my discernment, my most precious companion in all of life. He is life to me Lord. Please do not take your Holy Spirit from me.
Please do not let sin overtake me, nor even come near. Please don't let sin separate us. Do not lead me into temptation Lord, but deliver me from evil. For I again have failed to love thee with the perfect and righteous love you seek and so richly deserve. I have failed to worship you acceptably in the beauty of holiness, purity, righteousness and obedience.
You alone Father have I loved above all else. You know that I love you Lord above all else. Yet, against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in thy sight. I have failed to honor you and obey your Word hidden deep within my heart, brought to my remembrance by your Holy Spirit. I have nowhere to turn, nowhere to hide. I am guilty before you. A wretched sinner deserving of all the punishment Hell can possibly offer.
I chose not to surrender my thoughts to the mind of Christ, trusting that you truly love me, and know what is best for me in every circumstance of life and always make a way of escape. That holiness always brings forth life and is beautiful. That holiness always brings true joy and is where true happiness is found.
I again chose to believe lies, rather than your Truth. I chose darkness, rather than your Light. I chose sin, rather than your Righteousness. What a wretched man I am! How long, oh Lord, will you suffer for one like me?
Oh Father, forgive me. I dishonored you before your holy angels and before your adversary.
You alone have I wounded above all else. Against you have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.
My Lord and my God, have I nailed you once more to the cross for my sin?
Was it I who called out with the scornful "Away with him, crucify him, crucify him! I will not have this man to reign over me. I will do what is right in my own eyes. I will exalt myself above this man. Let his blood be upon me and upon my dear children. Crucify!
Oh, my Lord, and my God, please forgive me for presuming on you grace once more, that our relationship entitled me to greater latitude and leeway in sin, and a greater liberty in your forgiveness. It does not! It carries greater responsibility along with greater judgment.
For you are not like the gods of my people. You are not simply accepting, tolerant and understanding of sin. You are not an unrighteous judge that overlooks sin, winks at sin, that simply forgives sin. Rather, in perfect righteousness you faithfully judge and punish sin.
You are altogether righteous in judging sin. Judge my sin Father! Be righteous and Holy still, that there be no shadow of turning in You. Be Righteous and Holy for your name's sake.
Exalt your throne, oh God, above the heavens by being Faithful and True to lay this charge to none other; for I have sinned against thee, and my back is made for stripes as the sparks fly upward. I was conceived in sin and trained in evil. I delight in darkness within my deadly lower nature; but there is within me Another, who draws me into the light. The bright and morning Light with healing in His wings. With forgiveness in His heart. With nail marks on His hands and His feet, and a wound in His side. With a broken heart that melted within Him, for He came unto His own, and they received Him not.
How can I ask you to forgive me? How can I ask you to lay my sin again upon your dear Son? The Son of your love, in whom you are so well pleased. How could I be so craven to ask you to wound Him again for me?
I cannot! I will not! I would rather die the death in my sin than have Christ put to an open shame once again for me.
But, praise God, for the once for all offering upon that cross! The once for all offering for me!
Thank you Father! Thank you for Jesus! For His willing heart and His love, for His obedience that day! Thank you, that somehow it pleased you to wound Him for me, so that I don't have to ask you to. Thank you Father for your dear Son. Without Him I would have no part with you at all. Thank you Father! Thank you for Jesus!
Lord Jesus, you are the air that I breathe. You know that I love you Lord, with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength! Therefore, be merciful to me Lord, for you know that I am a weak, sinful and foolish man that desires to honor you.
But, by your grace I will not remain so. By your Word and means of grace you extend to all who love you and are called by your name, I will prevail. My sin will not triumph over me as long as I am in you Lord, abiding in you. Help me fight the good fight for your namesake. To run my race to win, and honor you above all else in loving faithfulness and obedience.
As you well know, I'm standing in your pure grace and mercy alone, by faith alone in your love and finished work alone. Thank you for loving me! I know its hard and trying at times. But by your Spirit I will press on to victory in your name!
All my love Lord, forever! Remember me before our Father, vervently and frequently.
donald paul mosteller, jr.